Love is Tainted
by envious.moments
Summary: ON HIATUS An account of Lily Evans and James Potter in their final year at Hogwarts. If love is tainted and scarred from the start, how can it grow?
1. Sparks

Prologue

It had been a long time for Selene Zandt. She hadn't been back to London in many years. It was different now. London was much quieter than the last time she had been there.

Ever since her final day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry she hadn't gone a day without thinking about her best friend. They had kept in touch, a letter from time to time, but not a much as best friends should have.

Did she regret it? Of course she did. Especially now. Selene had only recently heard of what had happened. If only she had written more often, or even read the letters more thorough maybe she could've helped.

It didn't matter anymore. As she crossed the street to the site of the accident, Selene ran her fingers through her brown locks. There were so many ashes among Godric's Hollow. She tried not to look at the mess. She closed her eyes tight and crossed her arms tightly against her chest.

Five years ago when she graduated she and her best friend, Lily Evans, swore to remain friends forever. Now Lily and her husband were dead. Their baby boy was living with Lily's horrible sister. Selene had begged Dumbledore for Harry to live with her. Sirius had wanted the same thing but had also been denied. Dumbledore had insisted this was the best thing for the boy.

A small patch of grass was near the end of the sidewalk that Selene was walking on. She knew when she kept walking she'd find the grave. Dumbledore said it was there. Her tennis shoes made a crunching noise on the leaves.

Then, there it was. A small headstone with _Lily Evans Potter_ engraved on it was coming into view. Selene collapsed in the grass before reaching the grave. Her short breaths turned into sobs as it all came flooding back to her.

_My god Lily, I am so sorry._ She thought over and over again.

The final year. That's when it all happened. When all of those awful secrets came out. When boy met girl, and both of their lives changed. Forever.

Sparks 

Lily Evans tucked a strand of dark red hair behind her ear. She nervously chewed on her lip as she stared at her Transfiguration quiz. Professor McGonagall just had to give her pupils a pop quiz today!

Lily shook her head in frustration. _Why can't I remember all of these formulas?_ Lily wondered to herself. She gave a small moan and shrugged. _Oh well, I'll just have to ask Professor for some extra credit._

As Lily set down her quill and looked up she was immediately disgusted. Sirius Black, possibly the biggest flirt at Hogwarts, was at it again. This time he was whispering, no doubt "sweet nothings", in a short brunettes ear. The young girl was giggling softly as Sirius kept going.

Lily rolled her bottle green eyes. It never occurred to her why all of these girls were constantly swooning over Sirius. Lily was only a friend with Sirius. She had made it very clear to him that if he ever pulled a move on her there would be consequences.

When Lily looked to her left she was even more disgusted. If that was possible! _Maybe Sirius isn't the biggest flirt at Hogwarts, Potter is certainly giving him a run for his money! _ Lily gave a small laugh. James Potter was certainly a huge flirt!

James was grinning from ear to ear at a one of the members of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. Aretha Falin was a very pretty girl. Lily did notice that James did seem partial to blondes. Aretha was pretending to ignore James as he was stroking her cheek from behind her with one finger. Ever now and then she would giggle and playfully swat his hand away.

Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes again. Now in her 7th year at Hogwarts she would soon leave. She did wonder where she would end up after school. Lily sometimes wondered if she'd end up working with Sirius or James. This would make her wonder how they would be as serious working adults. If Sirius and James could ever _be_ serious!

Professor McGonagall swept all of the papers up to her desk as she dismissed the class. James and Aretha walked out of the classroom hand in hand, while Sirius and the brunette were still talking in their desks. Lily quickly gathered her books and fled from the room.

Almost as soon as she was out a familiar face greeted her.

"Lily! I am so jealous of you! You have Transfiguration with the most adorable guys in this school!" The girl gushed.

Lily sighed and leaned against the cold, hard stonewall. "Don't tell me you've joined the forces of Potter and Black Admirers! Please, they're so disgusting! You should've seen Potter with Aretha Falin!"

Lily's friend got a dreamy look on her face. "But they're both so gorgeous! James has this air of confidence and he makes you feel so protected! Sirius is just so perfect!"

"Please! I'm trying to keep my breakfast down! Sirius is far from perfect! Selene, don't say anymore." Lily said.

Selene nodded. "You know, while we're on the subject of James..." She began as Lily and her started walking

Lily stopped suddenly. "Selene! I thought I said I didn't want to hear about them anymore!"

Selene turned and stood in front of her friend. "Lily, you may not want to hear it, but everybody knows that Sirius has been totally checking you out."

"Selene!" Lily cried, almost dropping her books.

Selene giggled and linked arms with Lily. "It's true!" She said in a singsong voice. "I bet if Mr. Hunk-a-burning-love Black likes you his best friend does too!"

Lily broke away from her friend. Her green eyes were flashing. "All right! That's it Selene! I will never fall for Potter or his stupid little minion! So don't even try me!"

Her friend sighed and shrugged. "Okay, okay, I'll stop. But if it's true, I officially hate you!"

As they continued to walk towards the dungeon for Potions Lily couldn't help but look behind her. Just as soon as she did she felt her heart leap up into her throat. James Potter wasn't looking at Aretha, who was talking to him. James Potter was staring at her!

Lily quickly linked arms with Selene. "Come on Selene. Let's get out of here!" She said nervously.

"Um...okay?" Selene answered a bit confused.

Lily practically dragged Selene down the hall. She shoved Selene into a closet, ignoring the looks from other students. She closed the door quickly staring at her friend.

"Lily Evans what is with you?" Selene cried.

"Selene, James Potter was, he was looking at me!" Lily hissed pointing outside of the door.

Selene got a mischievous look in her blue eyes. "Ooo la la!"

Lily glared at her. "It's not funny. You know how I feel about him. I want nothing to do with him. We are friends, not close friends, just friends. I do not want him checking…checking me out all of a sudden!"

Selene put up one hand in despair. "All right, all right! Why are you yelling at me about it? I had nothing to do with it!"

"I don't know." Lily put a hand to her head in frustration.

"Look, stop stressing. It's nothing, he was probably looking down the hall and some girl who was mindlessly flirting with him." Selene assured Lily.

Lily felt comfort flood over her. "Yes, you're right. Let's get to Potions then."

As the continued down the hall to the dungeons Lily couldn't help but get the nervous thought out of her mind. _No! James Potter doesn't like me. Things like that just aren't possible._

1

James grinned at Aretha Falin. She was very cute, he thought to himself. She knew it to; she couldn't seem to help herself from flirting.

"Oh James! I just can't believe there are only six more months until we all go home! What if I don't see you the whole summer?" Aretha whined.

But James didn't hear her. Lily Evans was out of the classroom. He could not help himself from gazing at her. Her thin but muscular body was leaning casually against the hard stonewall. She looked so assure of herself, so confident. Something about that confidence was completely irresistible to James.

He knew he'd never have her. She was to smart, to good for him. She'd never want a person like him. Lily Evans didn't like James in that way.

He watched intently as she snapped at her friend. Even from the distance he could see the fire dancing in her green eyes. Those green eyes haunted him day and night, reminding him of her.

The trance like state suddenly broke when she looked directly at him. Aretha was also frustrated, stamping her foot childishly.

"James Potter! Are you listening to me?" She cried.

James quickly nodded. "Of course, I don't know dear."

Not sure of what he should do next James brushed a kiss on her cheek. "I'll talk to you later." He then walked away.

James walked along the hall until he found Sirius. As usual his best friend was snogging a girl. This time, she was a petite brunette. James coughed once to get Sirius's attention.

Sirius glanced up and glared shortly at James. "Sorry love, I have some business I need to attend to."

The girl gave a sad sigh. "Fine. And we were just getting to the good part."

Sirius chuckled and kissed the girl once more before going over to James. The girl winked and walked away down the hall.

"So what was so important that you had to interrupt my fun?" Sirius asked, a bit annoyed.

James grinned. Sirius could make him forget about anything. The two were always getting into trouble. They, and their two other friends, were the worst mischief-makers at the entire school.

"What do you say about a little fun of our own tonight." James said slyly.

Sirius smiled evilly. "If it involves blondes, brunettes, or any person of the female gender I'm very interested."

James laughed. "Oh you will enjoy it my friend. You will enjoy it!"


	2. Confusion

Confusion

That night James snuck into the common room. He had been out very late with Aretha. He quickly tried to flatten his hair and wipe the red lipstick from his cheek. Just as he was about to get one lip print from his face someone came up behind him.

"Having a goodnight Potter?" Lily Evans asked mockingly.

James whirled around surprised. "Why yes, ask a matter of fact."

"May I ask, who you were with?"

"What?" James was confused.

Lily smiled with sarcasm on her face and pointed to her cheek. James lifted a hand up and realized Aretha's lip print was still there. James blushed and wiped his cheek with his sleeve.

"None of your business." He muttered.

Lily shrugged. "I know, but that doesn't keep me from curiosity."

James crossed his arms. "If you must know it was Aretha Falin. Now let me ask you something. Do you have to know everything or were you just jealous it wasn't you I was with?"

"I was anything but jealous Potter. And just for the record, I already knew who you were with. Next time you go for a make-out session try not to do it near a first year window. Her moans were waking the students." She snapped and stalked back to her room.

James sighed and slumped back onto chair. Sirius came bounding down the stairs, followed by their other companions. Remus Lupin was extraordinarily smart and had sandy brown hair. He had thin, lean stature and always looked a little sickly. Peter Pettigrew was a round, short little boy. He was scared of most things, including girls.

"So what's this grad idea of yours Prongs?" Sirius asked excited.

James grinned, taking his mind off of Lily and Aretha. "Oh yes! I had almost forgotten, lucky you're here to jog my memory."

Sirius laughed and gave James a hearty slap on the back. "That's what friends are for! Now lets get to it!"

"Wait just one minute Padfoot." Remus interrupted. "We don't want to be losing major points for Gryffindor. Tell us the plan first, Prongs. Then we'll get to it."

James thought for a moment. "Define major points."

Sirius snorted, holding back from laughing. Remus shot him a look. "You know, more than seventy each." Remus shrugged.

"All right then! My brilliant plan is that we sneak into the girls' dormitories and steal every single bra we can get our hands on. We'll string them around the castle for the ladies to see in the morning." James said enthusiastically.

Sirius nodded in approval. "Classic Prongs. Simply classic."

Peter shuddered. "What if they wake up? And how are we getting in? Wait just a second, we're going to touch girls, _bras_?" His face turned bright red after saying that.

James laughed and shoved him backwards. "Yes Peter, we'll being touching the bras. That's the fun of it!"

"Well gents, what do you say we get to it?" Sirius was already at the staircase.

"Stand aside." Remus went up to the staircase. "If we going to get in, we can't touch the staircase. That is of course, unless I freeze it so it can't tell we're guys going into the girls dormitory."

James, Peter, and Sirius stepped back. Remus stepped up the staircase and lifted his wand. "_Ase Frio_!" He chanted and walked calmly up the steps, his friends followed.

James, Peter, and Sirius stepped back. Remus stepped up the staircase and lifted his wand. "_Ase Frio_!" He chanted and walked calmly up the steps, his friends followed

"Shall we?" James said in a menacing tone, putting his hand on the doorknob.

Lily Evans slammed the door of the dormitory. _Shit!_ She screamed in her head, hoping she didn't wake anyone up. Luckily, she didn't so she tiptoed back to her bed.

She dove onto her bed and shoved her face into the pillow. She let out a blood-curdling scream that was muffled by the cushion. James Potter made her so mad. Her blood was boiling at the very thought of him.

_How could he say something like that? I wasn't jealous, he's jealous of me because I get better grades. He should act more like the Head Boy he is!_

Lily rolled onto her back and gazed at the ceiling. She instantly scolded herself for complaining so much. She was lucky to be at Hogwarts. It was better than at home.

At home Lily lived with her adoptive parents. They were stricter than you could get but were proud that Lily was a witch. It was something to brag about, Lily thought. They couldn't care less that she was a person. To them, her magical abilities were a quick way to get anything they wanted.

The only person Lily despised more than her parents was her sister. Petunia was an uptight, miserable, waste of a person, according to Lily. Petunia hated Lily from the start, but detested her even more when she became a witch. Recently, Petunia had gotten married to a man named Vernon Dursley.

Lily's home situation was horrible. She couldn't wait until she left. She was always getting blamed for things that went wrong. And since conjured items didn't last forever her mother was furious when they disappeared.

"Lily? Are you awake?" A whisper jolted Lily back to Hogwarts, away from the spaces of her mind.

Lily rolled over and looked at Selene, who was wide-awake. She nodded and sat up. She pulled off her Hogwarts sweater revealing a black camisole. She had already put her pajama pants on so she walked over and sat on Selene's bed.

"Why are you still awake? Don't you have a Muggle Studies exam right away in the morning?" Lily asked her friend.

Selene nodded. "Yeah, but I couldn't sleep. I was just thinking about how we're graduating from Hogwarts in about sic months."

"I know. I'm going to miss this place." Lily murmured.

Selene sat up and drew her knees underneath her. "Lily, when we're out of Hogwarts will we still be best-friends?"

"Of course we will be! Best friends forever!" Lily whispered with a small smile.

Just then she heard footsteps coming up the staircase. "Selene, everyone's here. Right?" Lily said cautiously.

Selene nodded, unaware of the approaching footsteps. "Yeah, why?"

Lily shook her head. "Nothing. I'll be right back."

She got up and grabbed a dark red cardigan, pulling it over her shoulders. If everyone was in their beds, who would be coming up the staircase? Professor McGonagall would only come up if it was an emergency, and if that were the case she'd be running. Lily quickly grabbed her wand, she had a feeling it was Potter and his posse.

Looking out the peephole in the door Lily confirmed her suspicions. Potter and his little minions were getting ready for raid on the girls dormitory. She rolled her eyes, trying to keep her anger under control, and stepped back.

If she was going to surprise them, she was going to do it right.


	3. Proving A Point

Proving a Point

James jumped back when he opened the door. Lily Evans was standing there with a look of total annoyance on her face. She folded her arms and stepped out of the dormitory, closing the door behind her.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" She mocked.

James wasn't going to let her get the better of him. "Nothing. We just wanted to kiss our girls good-night one last time."

Lily smirked. "Really? Who's we?"

James looked behind him. His friends and run off, leaving him alone to deal with Lily. James sighed and turned back to his redheaded obstacle.

"I guess it was just me. I wanted to say good-night to you." He said with a playful smile.

Lily rolled her eyes. "That doesn't explain how you got up the staircase. You know just as well as I do that if a guy tries to walk up it, the stairs will disappear so he can't get up."

"I charmed it. You know that's something I'm good at." James teased.

Her eyes narrowed. "Yes? Good enough reason for me to report you." She said through clenched teeth and headed down the stairs.

James grabbed her by the shoulder.

She whirled around, her agitation growing. "What?" She snapped.

James leaned against the wall casually. "Nothing, just, you wouldn't really report me, would you?"

"Of course I would! I've done it before what makes you think I wouldn't do it again?" She shrieked as quietly as she could.

James shrugged. "Well you weren't out after hours those times. That can get you detention you know."

Lily gave a sarcastic smile. "No. I wouldn't know. I've never been in detention. You shouldn't know either, but being Head Boy doesn't mean anything to you!"

James stood up straight, immediately offended. Lily raised her brows in surprise and made her way to the bottom of the staircase. "So! It seems I've struck a nerve, doesn't it!"

James stalked down to her. "I care, I just choose to have other things in my life besides school. Head Boy is important to me; I just don't make it my whole world. Unlike some people I know."

"At least I don't make-out with random people just to impress my friends." Lily said, scrunching her hands together fuming.

"Oh yeah? Well at least I _have_ made-out with someone!" James practically yelled.

Lily's cheeks flushed. "Shut up! Do you want to wake the whole house?"

James crossed his arms and smirked. "Come on Evans. Fess up. When did you last make-out with someone?"

Lily turned away; she didn't want him to see the color rising in her cheeks. "I have to go report you."

She hurried through the common room but James was fast. Right when she was up to the portrait hole he lunged at her, pushing her down onto the floor. She tried to fight back but he was much too strong for her.

"Let go of me! Potter I'm warning you!"

James let go of her and let her rise to a sitting position. Her green eyes were flashing and the firelight making her look even angrier.

"So fess up Evans. Why haven't you ever kissed a guy?" He asked again.

"For all you know, I have. I just choose not to make it a public thing." She retorted.

That one caught James off guard. He tried to think of something to say but the words wouldn't come to him. So he just stared.

Lily looked at him straight in the eyes. His brown eyes were full of confusion and curiosity. "I have more important things to worry about." She whispered.

James grinned. "Like school?"

"Yes like school. And my friends. Besides" Lily's voice faded out.

"Besides what?" James asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

James watched her get up and head towards the staircase for her dormitory. "Hey! What every happened to reporting me?" He called after her.

Lily looked behind her shoulder. "Just don't do it again."

As James headed to the boys' dormitory he was shoved against the wall. All the air rushed out of his lungs at the force from which he slammed into it. He looked down to see a grinning Lily, who had just knocked the wind out of him.

"Just in case you ever think of tackling me again." She whispered with a smile.

A mischievous smile grew on James's face. "Damn. You really want to kiss me right now, don't you?"

Lily made a face like she was going to be sick. "You wish."

With that she headed back to her dormitory. She sighed and lay back on her bed but she couldn't keep certain thoughts out of her head. She smiled a tiny smile in the dark. She really had thought about kissing James, just to see what it would be like. But no one had to know that but her.

James settled back onto his pillow. Sirius just looked at him.

"Tell me what you did! How did you get her to not report you?" He pleaded.

James shrugged. "My little secret Padfoot."

There was silence for a moment. But Sirius's voice quickly broke it. "She's hot."

"She most certainly is."

"You like her?" Sirius asked lazily.

"Nah. She's just hot." James answered. But he was lying. He knew the truth. Slowly but surely he was falling for Lily.

James could hear Peter's loud snoring; assuring him that it was very late.

"I think Stephen McCormick might like her." Sirius said suddenly, referring to a rival Quidditch player from Ravenclaw.

James sat up. "What!"

He could see Sirius's shadow rolling in his bed, trying to get comfortable. "You heard me. I can't believe you haven't noticed. He's always staring at her in Care of Magical Creatures. They can talk really easily. I think he likes her."

James shook his head. "It wouldn't work."

"Yeah, you're right." Sirius mumbled before drifting off to sleep.

_At least, I hope it wouldn't work._ James thought.

James stayed awake for at least another hour before going to sleep. He couldn't get her off his mind. Her voice and eyes haunted him. He knew the truth, but he didn't want to admit it. He was gone, fallen completely head over heals for Lily Evans.

Some secrets he didn't have to share. Yes he loved her, loved her so much. But no one needed to know that but him.


	4. Cause and Effect

Cause and Effect

"Professor McGonagall you have got to be joking!" Lily shrieked.

Professor McGonagall folded her hands. "I'm afraid that I'm not joking at all Miss Evans. Mr. Carats was patrolling the halls around one in the morning when he went by the Gryffindor common room only to hear some yelling. He is certain it was you and Mr. Potter. I'm sorry but you will have to join your classmate in detention."

Lily couldn't believe it. She had never had detention in her life; she didn't want to start now.

"But I'm Head Girl. What kind of an example will this be to the younger students if their Head Girl is serving detention?" Lily protested.

Professor McGonagall finished filling out a detention slip and handed it to Lily. "Mr. Potter is Head Boy and he's had plenty of time in detention. As I said before, I'm sorry. Be here after you last class, no exceptions."

Lily slumped out the room. As soon as the door closed behind her James Potter appeared at her side.

"So, McGonagall gave you detention too?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yes, thanks to you."

James was taken aback. "Thanks to me! You were the one who started the whole fight, accusing me of not caring about being Head Boy."

Lily glared at him. "But if you wouldn't have come up to the girls dormitory last night, I would've never said that so we would've never fought."

They made their way into the Great Hall for breakfast. Lily sat between Remus Lupin and Selene. That spot happened to be across from no other than James Potter.

"So, do you know what we have to do?" James asked as Lily was buttering her toast.

She nodded. "We'll be organizing the list of graduates and assigning house jobs for the Graduation Ball."

James laughed, almost choking on some orange juice. "That's our detention! You've got to be kidding me! What will they think of next?"

Lily shot him a look. "It's still a detention Potter. It's no laughing matter."

"It is if you're used to scrubbing floors or polishing silver," James shot back.

History of Magic was Lily's last class of the day. She sat anxiously in her seat drumming her fingers on the table. Professor Binns was so boring, but today she hoped he would talk forever. She did not want to have detention with Potter.

"So as Julian stumbled across the border of France he realized that he could've used a much more useful way of travel. Julian Riverweed was the inventor of Apparation. Discovered in 1743 he was" Professor Binns droned on and on.

Lily's eyes almost drooped shut when she heard Professor Binns. "Oh. Remember, quiz tomorrow on the life and death of Julian Riverweed. Class Dismissed."

She reluctantly got out of her seat and headed towards the Transfiguration room, where she would have detention. As she was walking along Selene skipped up to her.

"Lily! You'll never guess what just happened!" Selene gushed.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Probably not so you'd better tell me."

"Oh my god! James Potter just dumped Aretha Falin in front of my entire Care of Magical Creatures class! And he said something about never liking her in the first place that she only wanted the relationship for someone to make-out with! He also said that you said something about Head Boy having to be the most important thing," Selene squealed.

Lily sighed. "Really? Well, you can tell me more later, I've got to go."

Selene walked faster to keep up with Lily's quickening pace. "Why? You just had your last class. Where do you have to go?"

"No where," Lily answered, popping her knuckles.

"Then come on! Let's go guy watching! It's warming up now that it's April. Everyone's going down to the lake! Let's go have some fun for a change! All we ever do is hang out in the library," Selene whined.

Lily stopped abruptly. "Look Selene, if you want to go, go right ahead! I have somewhere else to be!" She said through a tightened jaw and clenched teeth, cracking two more of her knuckles.

Selene's blue eyes widened. "Oh my god. Are you mad at me Lily?"

"NO!" Lily yelled and started walking again, popping her wrist joints.

"You are too! You always do that gross cracking your bones thing when you're mad! What happened?" Selene asked still following Lily.

Lily whirled around to face Selene. Her green eyes were full of fury. "Fine. Yes, I'm mad. Not at you. But I am generally very pissed off right now! Potter got me in detention, and now he's twisting around what I said. I don't want to be in detention with him! I'll try to come to the lake, I promise! I will talk to you later." She snapped.

With that Lily headed towards the Transfiguration room, already dreading the detention she had to spend.

1

James stood near the back of the class. Aretha Falin was leaning slightly against him. He could smell the flowers in her hair, and her hand felt smooth in his. But he didn't feel the longing to hold and kiss her that he had felt last night with Lily.

Professor Kettleburn let them choose partners to work with the flying horses. Aretha naturally expected to be working with James.

"Come on James, let's go over to that one," She begged, tugging on his sleeve like a little child in a store.

"But I promised Remus last night I'd work with him," James protested.

She stuck out her lower lip, pouting. "You don't want to work with me."

James sighed. Her childish behavior got rather old. "No Aretha, I do want to work with you but I promised Remus I'd work with him."

Aretha sniffed as her light blue eyes rimmed with tears. "You don't like me anymore, do you?"

"I like you a lot Aretha. I'm just going to work with my friend."

Aretha turned away from him, almost ready to cry. "Fine."

James put an arm around her thin shoulders. "You still love me? I was sort of planning something for us to do tonight." He said suggestively with a smile on his face.

Aretha pretended to push him away but pulled him closer to her by his tie. She whispered something in his ear that made him laugh. He kissed her on the cheek and walked over to Lupin and Peter who were by a Chestnut horse.

"Wow Prongs. Have you got her bad," Remus muttered.

James rolled his eyes. "I know. That's why I'm breaking it off with her."

Peter's eyes bulged. "Really? Why?"

"Didn't you catch any off that Peter? She's way to clingy. I give her two minutes before she comes over here looking for James." Remus explained.

"She's pretty," Peter blushed.

"Damn Peter! We've got to find you a girl who'll make an honest man out of you!" James laughed.

Just then Aretha came flouncing over to James. She put her hands over his eyes.

"Guess who?" She whispered in his ear.

From behind her hands James rolled his eyes. "I don't know."

She spun him around. "Me silly!"

With that she wrapped her arms around him and moved in toward his mouth. When her soft lips touched his he felt nothing. Just utter annoyance so he moved away.

"Aretha, we need to talk," He began.

Curiosity leapt into her eyes. "You're right we do. When are you going to ask me if I'll go with you to the Graduation Ball?" She asked.

James sighed. "I'm not."

She pulled away from him. "What did you say?"

"I'm not going to ask you," He repeated.

Aretha laughed and hugged him. "Silly James. You wanted me to make the first move didn't you."

James took a step away from her. "No Aretha. You don't get it do you. I'm not going to ask you, ever. Because we are not going to the Ball together."

"Why not James?" Aretha said in a low voice.

James shook his head in frustration. "We're over! Done! There is no us anymore! I'm breaking up with you, don't you get it?" He yelled.

The whole class went silent and stared at them. Aretha just blinked.

"Breaking up with me," She said slowly.

"Yes I am breaking up with you! You don't even like me! All you ever want to do is make-out. Besides, there are more important things!" He repeated.

A perfectly manicured hand flew to Aretha's mouth. Tears smudged her mascara and she began to cry. She took one last look at James and ran off sobbing.

"Nice job Prongs," Remus gave James a slap on the shoulder. "I didn't think you could pull it off. You certainly proved me wrong."

James nodded and head back to the castle. He didn't care that he was leaving before they were dismissed. He would be in detention in a little bit anyway.

Lily would be there. His stomach lurched at the thought of her. He didn't know how to describe it, but he was almost excited to see her.

James sat down on the floor of the Transfiguration room. He hadn't been there more than twenty minutes when Lily Evans came slamming through the door.


	5. Out of Her League

Out of Her League

"Rough day Evans?" James ventured.

Lily shook her head. "It was fine. Let's just get to work."

They found a note from Professor McGonagall. Lily grabbed it.

"James and Lily: When you have written down the house name next to each student and assigned jobs to each house leave them on the table with instructions. It would be very much appreciated if you could select some decorations as well," Lily read from the slip of paper.

James made a face. "I'm not picking out decorations. She said it was optional."  
Lily rolled her eyes. "When she says 'it would be very much appreciated' she means, do it or deal with my wrath."

The two stared at each other for a few seconds, not saying a word.

"Okay, let's get this over with," James said walking over to pile of decorations.

"James" Lily began but stopped.

"Whoa," James whispered, giving her a marveled look..

Lily glanced around her. "What? What's wrong?"

James shook his black head. "Nothing's wrong. You just called me James."

Lily arched a brow. "Well that is your name."

"Yeah, but you've always called me Potter," He said.

Lily shrugged. "Oh. Well, what do you want to do?"

James plopped down on the floor. "With what?"

"The Ball you idiot! The decorations, what should we do?" She said with irritation dripping on each word.

James shrugged. "I don't care. You're the girl, you tell me."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Just help me pick some stuff out."

She headed over to the pile of décor and picked up some pink crepe paper. She took one look at it and hurled it directly at James's head. It hit him square in the side of the face.

"What was that for?" He asked surprised.

"To tell you to get off your lazy ass and help!" Lily said with a smirk.

James halfheartedly stood up and walked over to her side. She held some white silk in her hands and ran her fingers across it. James sighed and picked up a roll of gold lace and handed it to her.

"Here. Let's go!" He whispered.

Lily nodded. "Yes. I'll tell her to put the silk on the tables and the lace around the boundary of the walls."

James tossed the lace onto the table and headed to the door. He turned back and saw Lily grab some red silk as well, leaving it along with their other choices. She left instructions for Professor McGonagall and put a few sheets of paper onto the table next to the silk.

"What's that? Don't we have more to do?" He asked in a confused way.

Lily shook her head slowly. "I was bored in History of Magic, I did the list before detention."

James nodded. "I can live with that."

Once out the door they headed towards the common room. James turned at the door leading outside.

"Aren't you coming out to the lake?" He asked Lily.

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I promised Selene I would. I'm just going to change."

James pretended to be shocked. "I thought all you ever did was go to the library or order people around."

Lily stuck her tongue out at him before disappearing behind the portrait. James headed out towards the lake. He could see Sirius laughing his head off while splashing girls, who would fake scream just to get his attention.

James loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves. He unbuttoned the top of his shirt revealing the beginning of his bare chest. He wasn't about to let Sirius have all of the fun.

"Oy! Padfoot, need a sidekick?" He yelled to his best friend.

Sirius nodded and beckoned him. "Yeah! Come on detention boy, the waters great!" Sirius shoved a blonde down into the lake.

James waded into the knee-high water. His first victim was a model thin girl. She squealed with fake fear when she saw him coming. He dove on top of her forcing her under the water. She came up laughing hysterically, while ringing out her black hair.

"James Potter! How dare you!" She squealed.

James shook his head, spraying water droplets everywhere. Sirius laughed hysterically and trudged through the water to his best friend.

"Prongs, you are the champion!" He said, slapping palms with James.

James laughed, pretending to dust off his shoulders. "I know Padfoot. I always have been, I always will be."

"Oh really?" James heard a voice behind him. He started to turn around but was shoved beneath the lake.

Water gushed into his mouth, ran down his throat. James tried to exhale only causing bubbles to blow by his face. Whoever was holding him down was not letting him come back up. There was only one thing he could do.

James opened his eyes and saw a foot. He grabbed his attackers leg and yanked downward with as much force as he could muster. Much to his surprise the first thing about his opponents appearance that caught his eye was a flash of red hair.

James pushed up against the lake floor and surfaced. He gasped for air filling his lungs with oxygen. Lily Evans came up gulping for air shortly after him.

"Who's the champion now?" She laughed.

Sirius cocked his head in surprise at the sight of Lily. "Evans? You're out? I thought you were allergic to sunlight!"

Lily made a face at him. "Well now that I'm around you I know that ugly isn't contagious."

Sirius's jaw dropped. "You are going to pay for that!"

Lily screamed with laughter as Sirius dove towards her. She kicked her thin legs to swim away but he was to fast for her. She managed to get a small breath of air in before she was forced beneath the water.

Lily opened her eyes and saw the waves people were making above. She tried to shove Sirius off of her but the boy was to determined not to let her up without a fight.

Sirius's stubborn grip was keeping Lily down much longer than James had expected. He could seem her frame flailing underneath the lake's surface. He felt his protective side start to show with concern for Lily.

"Funny Padfoot. Joke's over let her up." He said, trying not to sound odd.

Sirius shrugged and let go of Lily. She burst up and started coughing and wheezing. She gasped and gulped until she had managed to catch something of a breath.

"Stupid bastard!" She hissed, lunging at Sirius, who grabbed her shoulders to keep her hands away from his throat.

"Merlin's beard Evans!" Sirius grumbled, shoving her off. "Learn to take a joke!"

James waded over to Lily. "Yeah Evans, breathe. Enjoy the fresh air you never get." He grinned at her, no longer worried about her.

Lily smirked sarcastically and wrung out her hair. She stood up fully and made her way to the shore. James couldn't help but look at her muscular frame that her soaked clothing were sticking to. James shook more moisture out of his hair and followed her out of the lake.

"Where are you going?" He asked quickly, without realizing how juvenile it sounded.

Lily looked behind her, seeing James wading as rapidly as he could after her. She shrugged, wondering why James was making such an effort to be nice to her.

"I don't know. I'll probably go change since being sopping to my bones isn't exactly a dream come true." She said with a small smile.

James plopped down on the shore of the lake and watched her head towards the castle. He noticed Sirius sit down beside him but didn't really care.

"Don't do it. Prongs, you're completely out of her league." Sirius warned.

James shook his head. "No, I think it's the other way around. I'm completely out of hers."


	6. Exposure

Exposure 

Lily sat curled up in front of the fireplace. She had changed out of her soaking T-Shirt and shorts and was clad in a pair of fleece pajama pants and a long sleeved shirt. Her red hair was still damp but was now pulled into a French braid.

"Lily Evans I cannot believe you!" Lily sighed with a small smile as she heard Selene enter the common room.

Selene was wearing extra short shorts and a miniscule tank top. She was drenched from head to toe and had wrapped some boy's sweater around her shoulders as a makeshift towel.

"You are such an idiot for missing out today. I had so much fun. James and Sirius were looking gorgeous and I…" Selene said until Lily cut her off.

Lily put down the book she had been reading and stood up. "Selene, does my hair look dry to you?"

Selene frowned and then shook her head, spraying some small second years with water droplets.

"So you showered, hygiene's good but…you've never had a problem with that before, I would've told you."

Lily made a face. "Stupid, I went to the lake, I was with Sirius and James."

Selene nodded slowly and made her way up the stairs. "Oh, wait!"

Lily turned around to face Selene, who was almost up the stairs. "What?"

"Lucille Vendermelt from Hufflepuff said someone wanted to meet you, some Stephen guy. I don't know. It had something to do with winning a prize…"

Lily smiled. "Thanks Selene."

Selene nodded and Lily dashed out of the common room. She made her way past a group of giggly third year Ravenclaws and James's little friend Peter. She closed herself in the trophy closet when nobody was looking.

"I missed you." She heard a voice say behind her causing her to smile.

"Then why didn't you come say hello while I was down by the lake."

Lily's eyes were adjusting to the dark trophy closet. She smiled even bigger when she saw a familiar face in front of her.

"Stephen, Stephen, Stephen. What have I gotten myself into?" She murmured.

Stephen pulled her into his arms, lovingly placing his chin on top of her head. She pressed her face into his shoulder and embraced him back.

"You know what I was thinking about the other day?" He asked in an almost whisper.

Lily pulled back, flicking a strand of hair out her face to look at him. "Sorry, mind-reading isn't one of my talents."

Stephen laughed and kissed her forehead. "I was remembering when we met. Do you remember?"

Lily nodded. "How could I forget?"

Stephen smiled and pulled her into him again. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his, loving every minute that she had to spend with her boyfriend.

It had been the previous school year, around December. She was the studious Gryffindor who wanted to be Head Girl and he was the Ravenclaw who had always had a crush on her. But he was a known badass and she had no intention on being associated with him.

They talked a few times and even had some decent conversations. It wasn't anything like what he wanted but just being able to talk to her was worth it to him.

Sixteen-year-old Lily Evans was minding her own business in the Great Hall, finishing some Potions work. The library was too crowded and the common room was too noisy with all the excitement of Christmas being so close. She needed to finish the ingredient list for the Morganic Potion. She didn't notice when Stephen McCormick sat down beside her.

"Busy?" He said, startling her and making her jump.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Doesn't it look like it?"

He leaned against the table, putting his feet up on the bench that was across from where they were sitting. "With what?"

She was confused as to why this supposed "heartbreaker" was interested in making conversation. "Potions, why?"

Stephen shrugged. "Just curious."

Lily looked up. His eyes were an indescribable color, a mixture of grey, green and blue with flecks of black through out them. She paused for a moment to gaze at them out of pure fascination.

"What are you staring at?" He asked slowly.

Lily shook her head and went back to her homework. "Nothing, it'll sound too weird."

Stephen put a firm hand on Lily's shoulder. "Try me."

She blushed. "Your eyes. They're amazing."

He laughed. "Amazing?"

She shrugged, not wanting to seem crazy. "I like art. They're…unique. I've never seen that color before."

"Have you ever thought about being a painter?"

That got her attention. She laughed out loud.

"What would your parents say if they're wizard son wanted to be an artist, not a dragon trainer or something?"

Stephen nodded. "I see your point."

She gave a sad smile. "Besides, what would I paint? There's nothing inspiring around here."

He gave her a look. "You're in a school for magic and it's not inspiring?"

She shook her head and bit her lip, looking frustrated. He brushed some red hair out of her face. His hand was smooth and soft, unlike what she'd have thought it would be like.

Lily looked back into the eyes that were able to hold her attention better than anything.

"Maybe some things," She murmured as his face got closer and she closed her eyes and didn't refuse what was coming.

Stephen had Lily propped up on a trophy shelf. They had been making out for at least thirty minutes. They mouths were locked and she was in the process of unbuttoning his shirt while his hands were up inside of hers.

She undid the last button and broke the kiss just long enough to plop down from the shelf. Lily tore her shirt over her head and pulled Stephen back into her. She kissed him passionately and clung to his bare shoulders.

No one had any idea about the two of them and their escapades in the trophy closet. No one needed to.

1

James slipped the fresh shirt over his bare chest. The word had spread quickly about him breaking things off with Aretha and it had been the topic of conversation for the last few hours. He didn't think anybody would care, but he was wrong.

James had been looking for Lily since she left the lake. He intended on apologizing Sirius's behavior, but Lily was proving to be much harder to find than he expected.

"Selene?" James called to the girl sitting the most comfortable chair by the fire.

Selene turned around and tossed a flirty smile towards James. "Yes, James?"

He made his way down the stairs to her and stood behind the chair. "Have you seen Lily? I kind of wanted to talk to her."

Selene pulled herself up onto her knees and faced James. "What about?"

James shoved his hands into his pockets. "Something that happened down at the lake, is it really important that you know?"

"Not really. Did you two kiss?"

James rolled his eyes. "Have you seen her or not?"

"Fine, yes, I saw her. She went out to see some Hufflepuff. Ask Lucille Vendermelt, I don't really remember," Selene plopped back down into the chair.

"Thanks," James called over his shoulder as he left the common room.

James was on his way to find Lucille when he was stopped by a loud voice.

"Prongs!"

James turned around and tried not to look annoyed. "What Sirius?"

Sirius had a folded up sheet of paper in his hands. "I was looking to see where Snivilus was so I could go have a good time when I noticed something."

James sighed and tried not to lose his patience. "Which was…"

Sirius flipped open the paper and pointed to a spot. James wasn't surprised to see the Marauders Map. He was surprised to see however, Lily Evans in the trophy closet not far down the hall. She was with Stephen McCormick, no doubt chewing him out for something.

"Evans is going all bitchy on McCormick. I thought it'd be fun to go see what's going on."

James grinned. "Mischief managed," He muttered and pointed his wand at the map, making the ink disappear.

The two friends jogged to the closet and stood anxiously outside, waiting to hear what was going on inside.

"I don't hear any yelling," Sirius said confused.

James shrugged and put a hand on the doorknob and flung it open.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius yelled, attracting many students to the closet entry.

Lily Evans was straddling Stephen McCormick on the floor of the closet. Their shirts were discarded in the back and they were furiously making out of the floor. Stephen was undoing Lily's bra while she was trying to pull his pants off.

"Shit!" Stephen yelled and shoved Lily to the side of the closet.

Lily screamed and grabbed her shirt, not before glaring at James and slamming the door shut.

The crowd of students began to whisper furiously.

"Merlin's beard! Lily-the-Prude Evans?"

"I always knew she was a slut!"

"Damn, she's got quite the set of boobs!"

James turned away and walked from the scene quietly. He didn't like what he saw.

But he couldn't control it.


	7. Just Friends?

Just Friends?

"You little whore!" Selene laughed and threw a pillow at Lily.

Lily frowned and pulled the covers over her head. She felt the mattress sag as Selene dove onto her bed. Lily pushed her face into her pillow when Selene tore back the covers.

"You had a boy you were sleeping with and you didn't tell me, why?"

Lily shook her head. "He's not just a boy I'm sleeping with, Selene. Stephen's been my boyfriend since last December."

Selene hit her with a pillow again. "You had a boyfriend and you didn't tell me!"

Lily sat up and pushed Selene back. "Stop! It's not a big deal!"

"Not a big deal! When we were thirteen and Sirius started a huge game of Spin-the-Wand five guys had an eye on you and who refused to play?"

Lily shrugged. "So?"

"Lily!" She squealed.

Lily covered her ears and frowned at her friend. "Shut up!"

Selene leaned closer to Lily. "The whole school's talking about it. They're saying how they knew you'd land one the most gorgeous boys in school but they never thought it'd be a rebel like Stephen."

"Stephen's not that bad."

Selene shrugged. "Whatever, I think James is jealous."

Lily groaned and got up stretching her arms into the air. She made her way over to the window and sat down in the seat. "And what, dear Selene, would make you think that?"

Selene skipped over to Lily and sat down on the floor by Lily's feet. "He didn't look surprised or sad when he and Sirius found you and Stephen in the trophy closet. He just looked angry or frustrated. Like he wanted something really bad and now he knew he couldn't have it."

Lily shrugged. "I highly doubt you're right but if you are, I'm glad."

"Glad?" Selene said, her mouth dropping.

"Yes, glad." Lily nodded. "If he wanted me, now he knows he can't have me. I'm taken. Stephen McCormick has me. And nothing's going to change that."

"What's wrong?" Remus asked James.

James was lying underneath his bed. His legs were the only part of his body sticking out.

Remus sighed. "The things I do," He muttered before sliding next to James.

James was staring at the top of his mattress and not talking. Remus stared at him before flicking his ear.

"What the!" James snapped, cupping his hand over his ear.

Remus glared at James. "Get out from under the bed."

James started muttering obscenities but slid out from under the bed. Remus nodded and copied his friend.

"Tell me what's going on," Remus said simply.

James shook his dark head; his messy dark hair moved with him. "It's not a big deal."

"Prongs, if you don't feel like telling me that's cool but I will bring in alternative forces if you choose not to comply."

James shrugged. "Mooney, leave me alone."

Remus turned away and headed towards the door. "I warned you, Prongs."

James rubbed his eyes. "Mooney, I have two best friends, you and Padfoot. I have fun with Sirius and I have serious conversations with you. I trust you both, but I don't trust either of you with this."

The two friends paused and stared at each other.

"That's fine." Remus said and opened the common room door.

Outside of the door stood Lily Evans.

"He's all yours," Remus said before leaving and closing the door behind him.

"That bastard," James mumbled before walking to the window.

"James…" Lily said quietly before following him.

James wouldn't stop shaking his head as he yanked open the window. He looked back at Lily; his face bore an expression mixed with confusion and anger as he hoisted himself up onto the roof.

Lily looked to the sky as she stuck her foot out of the window. She saw all of the little ridges where James put his hands and feet to get on top of the tower. Lily copied his every move and sat next to him high above the school grounds.

"Were you jealous?" Lily said suddenly for reasons she didn't know about.

James looked away. "Would you care?"

Lily opened her mouth but quickly shut it. She paused and thought carefully before picking the words she wanted to say.

"Stephen is my boyfriend," She began slowly. "I've been with him since last December, since before last Christmas. This may seem harsh but what I do with Stephen really has nothing to do with you."

James looked Lily in the eye. He watched her gaze falter a bit but she held his stare as best she could.

"That's not what I asked. I asked if you would have cared if you knew I was jealous." He repeated.

Lily looked out onto the lake. The sun was beginning to set and night was approaching.

"I guess that the thought of you having feelings for me that went beyond friendship never really crossed my mind so I don't know how I'd feel," She said.

James thought for a moment before touching Lily's knee. She looked at him quickly and furrowed her eyebrows slightly.

James leaned into Lily's face and she breathed in slightly before backing away.

"James…" She whispered.

"If I were to kiss you, would you kiss me back?" He asked.

Lily shook her head slowly. "I couldn't, it would be…"

James looked at her more intently. "It would be what?"

"I told you. Stephen is my boyfriend. I couldn't kiss you when I'm still with him."

James leaned in a little closer to Lily's face. She closed her eyes hoping he wouldn't do exactly what she thought he was going to.

"What if I kissed you and you didn't kiss me? Would that help you decide what you care about?" He asked quietly.

"Please don't," She whispered back. "Please don't do that to me."

James went back to their normal stance. "Then no, I wasn't jealous."

Lily frowned and stared at James, who was leaning back on his elbows.

"You're lying, I can tell. I can see it in your eyes."

James smiled.

"Would it matter?"

Lily shrugged. "Maybe."

James winked at her. "When you decide if you care or if it matters, let me know. I'll be here. I'm not one to step on another guys toes. But I'm also not one to give up without a fight."

Lily's mouth dropped. "You like me James Potter."

James shrugged. "Nothing's going to change that, Lily Evans."


	8. Free

Free

Word of Lily Evans and Stephen McCormick being a couple had in fact spread rapidly around Hogwarts. Soon Lily didn't even try and fight hiding it anymore. Stephen her were together constantly now, they sat next to each other in classes, they ate together; they studied in the library together. They were inseparable.

Lily plopped down on the ground after her Divination class. Stephen was laying on his stomach on the bench she was resting her head against. He was wearing worn out dark jeans and a blank sweater, not the schools dress code, but he didn't care.

Lily smiled up at Stephen, who winked at her in return.

"How was seeing into the future?" He asked before going back to writing his paper.

Lily pulled her hair out of the elastic that held it in place. She shook her beautiful red waves loose and opened her Advanced Transfiguration book to chapter five.

"I saw the Hufflepuff twins seducing Peter Pettigrew," Lily mumbled, turning pages in her book.

Stephen rolled onto his back with laughter. Lily punched his shoulder and turned to face him, propping her elbows on his shaking stomach.

"It's not funny! I could've gotten in serious trouble with Madame Trelawney!"

Stephen's eyes were glinting with humor. "What did you say?"

Lily rested her chin on her hands. "That I saw her getting a raise in her salary. She said she saw the same thing last Tuesday."

Stephen laughed even louder and pulled Lily up on top of him. He kissed her hard on the mouth while they both laughed hysterically.

"You're a real twit, you know that?" He said before kissing her on the neck.

Lily giggled and pushed him off. "Not here!"

She jumped off of the bench and gathered her things. "Walk me to Transfiguration?"

Stephen nodded and jumped off the bench, throwing his arm around her shoulders.

Lily tossed her bag under her arms and turned towards the castle. It was mid-October and the leaves were starting to change color. She grinned at a couple of girls who were giggling in her direction. Her smile faded slightly when she looked in between two of the archways.

James Potter nodded in her direction as a girl walked away from him. He waved; just to be sure he had her attention.

Lily gave a tiny smile back at James and felt her stomach jump at the sight of him.

No! I'm not going to even allow the possibility. He's no good for you Lily. She thought to herself.

But her heart started beating faster. She had to stop it; there was no way she was going to let herself fall for James Potter.

Lily spun Stephen around to face and threw her arms around his neck. She planted her mouth on his, letting her books fall to the stone ground below her. She felt his lips form a smile but then he dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around her lower back.

Yet somehow, Lily couldn't stop imagining that it was James kissing her, and that made her heart flutter even more.

James felt himself tighten the grip he had on the library book about Quidditch. He heard the binding crack and felt some pages crumple but it didn't cross his mind. Lily and Stephen, why did it bother him so much?

He turned on his heel and bolted to the Gryffindor common room. He knew he had Transfiguration next, but he didn't care if he had another detention. He couldn't face being in that classroom with Lily so close.

James slid to a stop outside of the common room. The Fat Lady was pinning her brown hair up in curls but her eyes narrowed when she saw James.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" She inquired.

James shook his head. "I'm off this period. What's it to you anyway?"

The Fat Lady sighed and rolled her eyes. "You children are getting more and more rude each year!"

James took a few deep breaths so he didn't lash out at her. "Lizard Bunion. Now may I go in, please?"

The Fat Lady opened the portrait hole and scowled. "Fine, fine. Learn some manners for next time!"

The portrait swung open and James fled to his favorite couch. It was the worn green one in the corner that was far too soft for anyone else. All of the other students were in classes so he had the common room to himself. He grabbed the book he kept hidden underneath the seat cushion. He pulled out his quill and started to write.

When I thought I would stop being lost I was wrong. I get lost in your eyes. Yet I like the feeling of being lost when I know that I'm with you.

James didn't realize he was smiling. Whenever he was writing, whether it was about Lily or his friends, he felt good. Writing let him express himself and get his feelings out in what Dumbledore called a 'constructive' way.

He didn't even hear the footsteps behind him that were approaching.

"You're going to get detention again. Skipping class is severely against the rules."

James looked up to see a curious Lily Evans looking at him.

"What are you writing?" She asked, reaching for his notebooks.

James yanked the notebook away and slammed it shut. "It's nothing."

Lily sat down on the couch. James moved his legs out of the way and didn't meet her gaze.

Lily grabbed one end of the notebook. "I want to see it. If it's homework I can help you."

"It's not homework." James said quickly.

Lily tugged on the end she held in her hands. "I don't believe you. I bet it's the essay McGonagall wanted today and you're trying to finish."

"No, it's really not."

Lily looked over towards the fireplace behind James. "Sirius!"

James turned around and Lily yanked the notebook away from him, flipping to the pages he had been holding.

"Give it!" He snapped, but she kept reading as she scampered away.

"I can't help but wonder why I had to fall for you. I know I'll never stop and I want you to feel it too." She read out loud in a quiet voice.

James tried to protest. "Just give it back!"

"I'm lost in your eyes but I know I'm not alone. You're with me. And I'm free."

She stared at James, who looked at the floor.

"Is this true?" She asked quietly.

James laughed. "Oh what the hell." He sighed and took a few quick steps toward Lily, pulling her into him.

"Decide Evans, I hate suffering."

And he kissed her. He kissed her long and hot and full of passion.

_No. NO!_ Lily's mind was screaming. But her body wouldn't listen. She felt her hand brush James's unruly hair. It was surprisingly soft and smooth, even though it stuck out at odd angles.

_Lily Evans, stop this childish behavior at once_. And she felt herself put a hand on his muscular, athletic chest.

She didn't protest. He kissed her longer.

_God, this is so messed up._


	9. As If Looking In A Mirror

As if Looking in a Mirror 

James paced outside of the Prefect bathroom. Wendy Damon, a fifth year Gryffindor Prefect, had promised both he and Lily the password so they could talk where no one else would see them.

As he walked back and forth waiting for Wendy he couldn't keep Lily out of his head. She was beautiful and mysterious. She couldn't stop the effects she had on him.

But James Potter had a secret. He had a terrible secret that no one could understand. It threatened his present life and his future at the same time.

It went back to when he had first learned about Hogwarts. He wasn't aware of it then, but magic would drag him into a world full of pain that no one else could imagine. No one else ever would.

_"That's it James! Now tip forward…good! You are a natural flyer!" _

_Anders Potter was so proud of his little boy. His oldest and only son, James, was only eleven years old and was already flying up to twenty feet in the air. James had just received his acceptance letter to Hogwarts and Anders couldn't have been more proud._

_"James! Tell your father it's time for lunch!" A pretty woman with waist length black hair called from inside their house._

_Anders headed to the house and watched his son fly around in their backyard. He smiled at James who was laughing at his younger sister; she was chasing him with her plastic wand._

_The glass door slid shut and Anders made his way into the kitchen._

_"Anders, when are we going to tell James?"_

_Anders rubbed his forehead and leaned against the counters._

_"Cassandra, he's only eleven. You really think he'd understand?"_

_She shook her head and laughed out of frustration. "I cannot believe this sometimes! It's too unreal!"_

_Anders followed Cassandra into the living room where she collapsed onto their couch. She pressed her face into her hands. When she looked up there were tears pooling in her eyes._

_"I'm a witch. I graduated with nobilities from Hogwarts. I can make things morph with the wave of a hand and I can appear out of no where at will but I cannot stop my children from fulfilling an evil prophecy." She said in a choky voice._

_A small couch was heard. Anders and Cassandra looked up to see James standing behind the wall. His scruffy black hair was sticking out and he clutched the broomstick he had been flying on._

_"Mum? Dad?" He whispered._

_Cassandra wiped her eyes and smiled. "Yes, darling? Lunch is ready. I made cucumber and Swiss cheese sandwiches."_

_James walked up to his parents; a look of fear covered his face. "I'm going to do something bad? Something I can't stop?"_

_His parents gave each other a nervous glance. _

_Anders placed a loving hand on his shoulder. "When you're thirteen I'll explain everything. It's not your fault. You're not going to do anything wrong. I promise."_

_James nodded and went to get his sandwich while his mother fought to keep back tears._

"Rosebush." James said firmly to the Prefect portrait.

He entered and saw Lily, already standing there. She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, rocking back and forth, her hair blocking her face. James leaned against the wall, aware that she knew he was there.

"You shouldn't have done that," Her heard her murmur before she rose to her feet, wringing her hands. She had changed out of her school robes and into a pair of jeans that looked like they must have belonged to Stephen and a white T-shirt that showed a sliver of skin from her stomach.

James crossed his arms defiantly, flicking some stray hairs that found their way in front of his eyes. "I did though, there's no changing it."

Lily crossed over to him, her eyes burning with anger. "You bastard."

James snorted with laughter. "Me? I tell you exactly what I want and go for it and I'm the bastard? I'm the bastard even though I _you're_ /I the one who just allowed me to feel like shit for the past few weeks?"

Instantly a crack was heard and James grunted with pain as Lily slapped him hard across the cheek. He rubbed his hand against the spot that was now burning.

"I can't believe you," She whispered in a low voice before turning on her heel and walking towards the window. "I can't believe how insensitive you are. You think you're life is so incredibly hard. You are a stupid brat, Potter."

"You don't know a thing about me, Evans," James said slowly.

She whirled around, an angry tear slipping down her cheek. "Likewise."

James took a step towards her, she back up in response, not allowing him to shorten the gap that stood between them. "That could change…"

"No, it couldn't," She interrupted, quickly brushing another tear off her cheek. "It won't."

With that she pushed him aside and slammed the door. James ran his hands through his hair and let out a groan of sheer rage as he kicked the wall with all his might. Tidus Lamb, a Gryffindor prefect entered at the moment when James kicked the door, sending the Fifth Year falling backwards.

"What are you staring at?" James growled before storming out of sight.

He stomped out of the bathroom just in time to see the last flash of Lily's red hair burst into a door that hadn't been there before. The Room of Requirement was favorite hiding spot of the Marauders, James had been unaware that anyone but he and his friends knew of it's existence.

He carefully pushed open the door and stepped inside. All he could see of Lily were her bare feet, sticking out from behind the bookcase she'd wedged herself behind. He plopped himself across from her, she didn't budge.

"Why me?" She sobbed, into her arms, clearly aware of James's presence.

"I don't know," He murmured softly running his fingers through his hair.

Lily looked up to him, her eyes wet and her mascara running. James felt his heart fall as his stared into her eyes, not because of his feeling for her but because of the look behind her eyes.

It was a look of being lost. It was a look and a feeling James knew entirely too well. It was the same look he saw staring back at him each day when he allowed himself to think of the tragedy to come. It was as if he were looking in a mirror and seeing his own reflection.

"Oh Lily…" He murmured, realizing what she was feeling.

Lily's steady breaths broke into a sob and she crawled out of her hiding spot. She fell against James, breathing in the scent of him. She cried for the confusion they both felt. She cried for longing her heart felt every time she looked at him. She cried because she knew being his would inevitably hurt her in more ways than one.

Yet, as she felt him wrap his strong arms around her she couldn't help but feel something stronger than anything else.

She felt safe.

So right then, in the Room of Requirement, under no one's eyes but there own, Lily Evans made a choice.

"I don't know why me," She began, her voice shaking as she rose back to his level. "But I'm glad it is."

And with that she kissed him softly on the lips, taking it slow.

They had all the time in the world.

Right now, all she needed was this.


	10. Trampled Lilies

Trampled Lilies

_Life under the attentive eye of Nanny Fee had never been an easy one for young Lily Evans. After her second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Nanny had begun watching her more and more carefully. Lily always had to be diligent about when and where she did her homework, as even the mention of school caused Nanny to sigh and shake her head._

_"I cannot believe your parents," She'd complain as she cooked for Lily. "I'd never have let you into a school full of such nonsense, but they just look at it as a way for you to make their lives easier."_

_Lily didn't mind her parents and their curious ways. In fact, it was the exact opposite. She enjoyed the questions they'd ask and the requests they had. She was always ready to impress them with her latest achievements, ready to accept the recognition for her hard work._

_Lily's older sister, Petunia, was a different story. Petunia, or Nia as Lily called her when they weren't arguing, sided with Nanny Fee. After Lily's first year of school Petunia loved to rub it in how Lily must have gotten the odd trait from being dropped too many times._

_It was a warm summer day near the end of July when Lily finally realized her home life was changed for all eternity. She was resting underneath the big oak tree in their backyard and finishing her Astronomy homework for the summer. Lily yawned, she had been up almost the entire night staring at the sky._

_Twelve-year-old Lily bit her lower lip and finished her last sentence before packing her books and paper back into her bag. Her parents didn't protest to her magical schoolwork, but they were at their jobs and Nanny Fee was in charge. _

_"It's poppycock," She'd hiss at Lily if she got to lay her beady eyes on a spell book. "If you were mine I'd burn it all, right here."_

_Lily swung her book bag over her thin shoulder and began to skip back to the house. She could see Petunia meticulously finishing a crossword and Nanny Fee rolling dough for a pie. Lily quietly slipped in the back door, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible._

_"Is that you Lily?" _

_Lily cringed at the sharp tone in Nanny Fee's voice. She sidestepped into the view of the kitchen, careful to keep her books out of sight._

_"Yes, Nanny. It's me." She shifted her weight, uncomfortable at the thought of being under another interrogation._

_"Come here," Nanny Fee ordered, not looking at Lily._

_Lily bit her lip again, trying to decide how to keep her homework safe from harm. Petunia narrowed her eyes at her sister, clearly aware of Lily's suspicious behavior._

_Lily tiptoed up to Nanny, trying to keep her books behind her back. She glared silently at Petunia, silently ordering her to keep quiet. As if accepting a challenge Petunia smirked at her younger sister and yanked the book bag from Lily's hands._

_"Nanny!" Petunia yelled in a shrill voice, standing up so suddenly that her chair toppled over. She rushed over to their Irish Nanny, shoving the books in her face. "Look at what Lily was doing!"_

_Nanny unhurriedly pulled Lily's Astronomy book from it's hiding place, as if dragging out the suspense of the moment. Lily tried to control the dread that was slowly filling her.  
"Lily Aradia Evans," Nanny Fee said in a low angry voice. "What have I told you about practicing witchcraft?"_

_"That it's evil and unforgivable and that I'm going straight to hell," Lily mumbled in a monotonous voice._

_Nanny Fee pulled the papers out of the book, tearing them to shreds. Lily's jaw dropped, she tried to grab her homework from Nanny's hands, but was shoved the floor._

_"Don't!" She cried out as she slid across the floor. "I worked for days on that! It's due right when I go back to school!"_

_Nanny looked back to her and tossed the remains of Lily's homework into the wastepaper basket._

_"This filth won't be allowed while I'm in charge," She hissed before slapping Lily across the face with all of her might._

_Lily's green eyes burned with tears, she grabbed her now torn book and hurried up to her room. Her parents would be home soon and they'd never believe the story of Nanny Fee destroying Lily's book and ruining her homework. They'd pat her on the head and tell her to stop making things up, that's the way it was in the Evans household._

_With the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, Lily hurried onto her bed, shoving anything pertaining to magic under her blankets and pillow. She grabbed a Nancy Drew book, something she'd never actually read, and tried to look casual._

_"Lily?" Petunia stuck her head in the door. Lily glared at her sister._

_"What do you want?"_

_Petunia quietly shut the door behind her. She sat on the floor below Lily's bed, looking up at her younger sister._

_"I want what's best for you. And that school, the things they teach you…"_

_Lily sighed, resting her head against the wall. "That school is more of a home to me than this place is. Mum and Dad are always demanding things I can't give them and Nanny…" Lily's voice trailed off._

_"Is an old brad who thinks she knows what's best for you. And Lily," Petunia stood, climbing onto Lily's bed. "She's right. No good can come of you casting spells and zipping around on a broomstick."_

_"Nia…" Lily whispered, quickly brushing away a hot tear._

_Petunia's gaze softened as she wrapped Lily in her arms. "Just stop. It'll all be easier if you stop."_

_"I can't…"_

_Petunia stood, swiftly pulling Lily's wand from under the blanket. Lily's green eyes grew wide with fear._

_"Nia, don't…"_

_Petunia hardened her gaze. "It's for your own good."_

_With that she snapped the wand in two and dropped in onto the floor. A single stream of gold sparks danced upward before fading into nothing. Lily's sob was caught in her throat as she grabbed a spare bit of parchment and quill._

_Dear Professor McGonagall,_

_Once again I'm writing to you to inform of my family difficulties. You see, today my sister broke my wand and our Nanny ripped my Astronomy paper up into shreds. If you could send me another wand and inform Professor Sinistra of what happened that would be greatly appreciated._

_Sincerely,  
Lily_

_She hurried to the window and sat on the ledge, waiting for the owl that she knew would soon come. This was the fourth letter of the summer she'd sent to McGonagall for help. The wise Transfiguration teacher had told Lily she was aware of Lily's home situation and would help in any way possible._

_So Lily endured the torment at home, always dreaming about Hogwarts. Wishing for the days when she didn't have to hide who she was._


	11. Aftermath

Aftermath 

Lily awoke with a start and a gasp. Her eyes were sore from crying and her hair was a thick, wild mess of tangles. But what scared her the most was that she had been sleeping in the arms of none other than James Potter. She glanced at him, sighing with relief when she saw he was sleeping peacefully. She tried to pull away but in his sleep he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist.

Lily rolled her eyes and slumped against him before shaking her head. She tried to remember everything that had happened up to her falling asleep, but all that came to her mind were bits and pieces.

There was a sobbing girl behind a bookcase. A boy coaxing her out. He said all the right things. She kissed him.

_Oh, god._

She'd kissed him.

It was this sudden realization that caused Lily to burst from the hold James had on her. She fled from the room and ran through the hallway and out of the castle. She didn't know if James was awake or following her. She didn't care. She collapsed at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, burrowing her head into her knees.

Lily inhaled sharply, trying to calm herself down and stop herself from hyperventilating. She wasn't going to cry, her eyes hurt too much and her heart was too full and confused. She exhaled, her breath shaky. She had two boys who felt strongly for her. She had two boys who would no doubt lay down their lives for her.

And she couldn't live with it.

"But what can I do?" She murmured out loud. She fingered a strand of tangled hair, pulling one of the many knots apart.

James had woken up to find Lily gone. He smiled, thinking of how well she'd fit against his chest.Lily had kissed him. He couldn't get the moment out of his mind. It just kept replaying in his mind like a movie.

_She leaned forward, her eyes shining with tears. Her lips touched his softly, almost hesitantly. She kissed him tenderly, placing a shaky hand on the back of his neck._

_He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her back. She pulled away and looked at him with cautious green eyes. _

_"You are too much, too soon and too…too…" She whispered before leaning in again and kissing him._

_James pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her. The fit together, as if they were two pieces to an incomplete puzzle._

_"I'm too what?" He asked between kisses._

_Lily pulled away for a brief moment, the look of complete uncertainty still hovering in her eyes. "You're just too you."_

_And they went under again._

James ruffled his already messy hair and stood up, stretching. Night had fallen over the castle. The moon was shining and the Room of Requirement was glowing. He grinned boyishly before exiting the room, ready to go out in search of Lily.

He slipped through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. Sirius and Remus were the only two up, both were sitting on a couch by the fireplace looking at textbooks.

"Sirius, you read?" James asked teasingly.

Sirius made a face, slamming the book shut. "Not normally. Remus had me convinced for a moment there that studying was actually a good idea."

James raised his eyebrows, honestly surprised. "Are you sick?"

"No, just confused." Sirius kicked the book off of the table clearing a space for him to rest his feet. He eyed James suspiciously, undoubtedly aware that something was up.

James rested back on his elbows, the smug grin not melting off his face.

"All right, just tell us," Sirius laughed, throwing a pillow at his friend. "Don't sit there acting all pompous and superior, just tell us whatever amazing thing happened while you were out."

James caught the pillow propped it behind him. "I did the unthinkable boys," he said. "I kissed Lily Evans, and not by _my _choice."

Sirius's jaw dropped and Remus's normally tired grey eyes grew wide.

"You're a liar! A bloody liar!" Sirius stammered.

James shook his head, his black hair not breaking free from it's messy form. "I'm telling the truth."

"No you're not!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing a finger at him. "Every time you lie, a fairy dies. Think of the fairies James!"

James laughed, beating Sirius over the head with the pillow. "I really did! And the best part was that _she_ kissed me first!"

"So you're telling me she's just dropped McCormick?" Sirius narrowed his eyes, clearly protective for his friend's wellbeing.

James shrugged. "I'm assuming so, he wasn't exactly a main topic of the conversation."

Remus glanced at Sirius, returning the worried look already forming on his face.

"Prongs…" Remus began, slowly closing the textbook he'd been studying.

James rolled his eyes. "Mooney, it's not worth the energy."

Remus shrugged, flipping back to whatever he'd been reading. "Fine."

Sirius whirled around to the portrait hole as it slightly opened. He narrowed his eyes, listening to the quiet conversation of whoever was ready to come in.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, more seriously," said the voice of Lily Evans.

James and Sirius snuck around to see Lily kiss Stephen McCormick on the cheek before she swung open the portrait fully, almost knocking them both over.

"Oh," She sighed, crossing her arms and looking at the floor.

James stared stoically at her, any signs of happiness melting away from his impassive expression.

"I don't want to talk about it," she muttered, kicking at the plush carpet with one bare foot.

"Well good, because nobody wants to talk to you," Sirius snapped, stepping in front of James.

Lily's head shot up, her green eyes suddenly blazing. "I don't think this has anything to do with you, Black."

Sirius stepped closer to her, filling the gap between her and James. "I think it does because when a two-timing whore makes a move on my best mate…"

"I'm not a two-timing whore!" She hissed.

"Not breaking up with your boyfriend and kissing another guy? I call that being a two-timing whore!" He snarled into her face.

Lily laughed sarcastically. "What is it you always say? Hate the player, not the game?"

"So it's all right for us to hate you then, is it?"

Lily stomped to the edge of the girls staircase. "I'll probably return the favor."

She hurried up the stairs before sneaking a glance at James.

He met her eyes but the emotion she saw in them was unexpected, causing her to inhale sharply.

Regret. His eyes were full of utter and total regret.

And the only thing she could feel was shame.


	12. Perfectly Inconvenient

Perfectly Inconvenient 

Selene jabbed Lily in the back of the head with her wand, careful to avoid the vigilant eyes of Professor McGonagall. Lily hissed slightly from the pain of the wand, pressing her hand to the spot.

"What do you want?" She whispered sharply to Selene, glaring at her.

Selene blinked her sparkling blue eyes innocently as McGonagall passed and then leaned in closer to Lily.

"What is up with you and James? He's barely looked at you since last week when he was practically stripping you down with his eyes, what's going on?" She whispered hurriedly, pretending to write at the same time.

Lily shook her head, turning back to her work.

"Lily Evans, you cannot do this to me," Selene whined in a hushed tone. "I'm your best friend and there by have serious rights to know everything about you and members of the opposite sex."

Lily glanced at her, a brow raised.

Selene sighed, rolling her eyes. "Okay, maybe not _everything_. But you should at least tell me what's going on, I mean, seriously."

Lily shook her head silently, scrawling on the top of her parchment.

_Not now. Not here. Later._

Selene's face softened, clearly satisfied. Lily internally congratulated herself for getting her curious, overbearing friend off her back.

"I'm holding you to that."

_Damn._

"All right everyone, let's make today a good practice. We've got a match in less than two weeks against Hufflepuff and we don't want it to happen like last year," James said officially, causing murmurs of agreement among the Gryffindor Quiditich team.

"You mean when they completely and totally creamed us?" Kendall Washington, the seventh year Keeper, grumbled.

"Yes. When they totally and completely creamed us. It won't happen again, we won't let it," James said sternly.

He paced up along the line of his fellow teammates. He'd been accepted onto the team as a second year, a huge accomplishment since he was the only one under thirteen to make the team. Now he would be graduating and in his sixth and final year on the team he'd been pronounced Gryffindor Team Captain.

"Enough chit-chat boys," he started but was interrupted by a cough from Katherine Bell, one of his fellow chasers and an avid feminist.

"Sorry, uh…people," he quickly corrected himself, she smiled and nodded. "I want four laps around this field, we need to build up our stamina."

He watched Preston Kefir, his best beater, mount his broom and kick off, unaware that he was the only flying. The other players, including Sirius who'd been prepared for this, gaped at him in complete surprise.

"Merlin's beard, you mean_ run_? Like, with our _legs_?" Preston said shocked while he lowered back to the ground.

James smirked and pointed to the two girls, Katherine Bell and Antigone Wood, who were already on their second lap. Preston and the other boys groaned a short protest and started running. James laughed and went to the Quiditich hut to get the ball out and ready for practice.

James grabbed the chest with the Hogwarts symbol on it and lugged it out onto the field. His grinned sarcastically as the two girls finished their laps ahead of the others and collapsed next to their broomsticks. He dropped the chest next to them, disregarding the effects of a bludger hitting a snitch, and smirked once again over the panting girls.

"We're Quiditich players, Potter" Katherine said while panting. "If we wanted to run we'd get something to chase us."

He laughed, crossing his arms and watching the four other guys of the team collapse after their run. Sirius glared up at him, little beads of sweat running past his eyes.

"Tell me this," Sirius said, gasping for breath. "Why aren't _you_ running?"

James shrugged. "Because I'm the captain."

Sirius made a face and covered his face with his arm.

"All right, five minutes and we'll be flying," James called over his shoulder as he headed back to the Quiditich hut to retrieve a couple of spare beater bats.

He swung open the door and instantly tried to close it again. But the pale hand of Lily Evans stopped him.

"You're really bad at noticing things," she said quietly, standing in the doorway. "I was in here when you came for the chest of balls."

James shrugged, looking away. "Why hide?"

She looked to the floor, scuffing it with the toe of her sneaker. "You won't talk to me in the open, you won't even look at me."

"You asked for it," He snapped, glaring at her suddenly.

Lily's mouth dropped. "I did not!"

"Yes you did," he began. "Maybe you didn't think this would happen but what, may I ask did you think the repercussions would be from kissing another guys, who you _knew_ had feelings for you, while you still had a boyfriend?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Lily threw her hands in the air, looking away.

James rolled his eyes. "_Not_ kiss me? I don't know, I'm sure you could come up with something."

"If you want me to dump Stephen…"

"Lily? In this little conversation have you heard either of the words dump or Stephen come out of my mouth?" James asked spitefully.

"You have…" Lily stammered.

"Have you?"

Lily sighed. "No."

"Then you have no idea what I want you to do." James grabbed the beater bats and gave one last glare to her before turning on his heel and walking away.

"Let's fly," He called out to the Gryffindor team before kicking off into the air in an attempt to make everything else go away.

"Well?" Selene asked, looking up from her magazine.

Lily rested her head on her pillow. "I kissed him. I don't know what to do."

Selene nodded thoughtfully. "Typical. So typical."

Lily furrowed her brows, considering this. "He can hurt me like nobody else. Is that typical?"

Selene pondered this before turning a page in her magazine. "It's not just typical, I think it's love."

Lily sighed and rolled over, trying to sleep away any pain that she felt inside.

"True, can't live without each other, inconvenient, head over heels…"

"Shut up, Selene."


	13. Compromising Situation

Compromising Situation 

"This is tricky, which color is Lily Evans to wear to the Quiditich match?" Selene said, acting like news anchor, darting around the girls dormitory in her underwear. "Gold for the man she's putting out for? Or red for the man she's pining for? Red, or gold? Gold, or red?"

"Selene? Isn't there a dark hole somewhere calling your name?" Lily grumbled as she tried to decide the same thing.

Selene shook her head, her brown waves shining. "They kicked me out because I brought in too much sunlight."

Lily sighed and grabbed a blue sweater, slipping it over her head.

"Crafty move from Evans! Blue, a color that doesn't give away any ties to a man what so ever…"

Selene whined in protest as Lily slammed the door behind her.

James slipped out of his shirt and tossed it on the bench behind him. The Quiditich game would be starting soon, but his mind was lingering in other places.

He grabbed his scarlet Quiditich robes, trying to force her from his mind. He needed to concentrate. He couldn't let his team lose to Hufflepuff. Rather, he couldn't let himself lose something _else_ that was important to him to McCormick.

He finished tying his robes and grabbed his broomstick, heading out to meet his teammates underneath the stands. Preston and Gregoire Tuttle, the other beater, were talking in low voices while Katherine and Antigone were stretching on the ground. Sirius was leaning against the wall, doing his best at looking casual. Kendall, the worrier of the team, was already pacing up and down near the wall.

"All right, huddle up," James said, getting the team in a circle. "I'm not going to go on and on, we need to win this one if we want to secure our spot as the top Quiditich team. To make things short we…"

But James was cut off by the sound of Ryder Lee, the announcer, calling out.

"And Hufflepuff's opposing team, under a new captain, GRYFFINDOR!"

James hurried onto his broom and kicked off, flying into the sunlight and into the game he loved to play.

Lily leaned casually against the wall in front of the Hufflepuff locker room. She could hear Stephen and his teammates talking in low voices, none of which sounded the least bit cheery. She understood how competitive they were and how losing wore their down, but she didn't like having to put up with it.

This was one of the many reasons why Lily Evans knew she shouldn't date a Quiditich player. She agreed with many that the sport was entertaining, but the fact that the players, especially the ones that weren't professional, took the game so seriously was something she never understood. It wasn't like school, which could effect your entire life, it was a game. A game that was supposed to be fun. Lily had never been one to allow failure to be a possibility and with sports, it always was.

She looked into the window to see Stephen slump against a locker. She shook her head and stuck her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She had a Potions paper due in the morning and didn't have to time to deal with the moody, depressed boy that she call her significant other.

She pushed her way into the common room, ignoring the celebration that was going on. She was going to head up to her dormitory when she felt a hand pull her back.

"Merlin, Lily, where are you going?" Selene said, pushing Preston Kefir off of her.

Lily pursed her lips, trying not to show the irritation she felt. "I'm tired," she said through clenched teeth. "I don't _feel_ like celebrating."

Selene laughed as Preston whispered something into her ear. "Why, because you're mourning the loss for Hufflepuff? Come on Lily, just stay for a little while," she pleaded, tugging on Lily's sleeve.

"Fine," Lily sighed, following Selene down the stairs to the bustling party.

Music was playing so loud she could feel the bass pumping through her head. She recognized the band, something called Abracadabra, but the fact that the music was so incredibly loud she could feel her ears ringing instantly made her never want to hear the band's music again.

She wondered over to a chair where Remus Lupin was sitting. He was talking to Amelia Worthington, one of the smartest girls in the grade. Everyone knew and talked about how Amelia was head over heels for Lupin, but he was either clueless or didn't care.

He saw Lily and smiled, standing from his chair and walking over to her, leaving Amelia confused and disappointed.

"Hey," he yelled over the music. "Nice team colors."

"Thanks, I thought it looked supportive."

He laughed, his normally tired eyes happy and bright. "Extremely, lucky for you we weren't playing Ravenclaw."

"Yeah, for that game I've got an orange one ready," she teased. "You're looking well, better than normal."

"Thanks, I know there's a compliment in there somewhere."

She snickered, suddenly remembering why Remus was her favorite out of James's group. "Well you normally look so tired, you actually look alive for once."

"You've got to learn how to accolade people, Evans. Because you're officially horrible."

"Okay, I'll try. Nice vocabulary?"

They laughed together, inching their way towards the steps of the boys dormitory. He sat down on the last step while Lily leaned against the wall. She was so enthralled by his play by play of the game she didn't even notice James sneak up behind her.

"You're an awful Gryffindor. Despicable," he slurred, the contents of his cup of Firewhiskey sloshing over the edge onto the gold carpet where it sizzled and steamed.

"You're drunk, imagine if McGonagall saw you," she said, cringing her nose at the smell of his breath.

He grinned, his eyes lingering a little too long for comfort on her chest. "I hate you, you know that."

"Yes, I do know that," she said simply, as if speaking to a four-year-old. "But I also know that you're the one who's drinking, which could be assisting you along this hateful road."

James frowned, processing the word that Lily had just thrown at him. He grinned and chuckled, looking back at her face this time. "Blue makes you look fat."

Lily rolled her eyes, grabbing the cup of whiskey from him. "James, I have no idea what our relationship is like at this point, but you need to get to bed. Remus, I'll take this one, you owe me five galleons."

Remus nodded, heading back to the party and his awaiting Amelia. Lily grabbed James's arm, dragging him up the stairs. He staggered and stumbled, the alcohol impairing his ability to walk. She tried not to laugh, but couldn't help but wonder how he'd react when he found out she'd done this.

She pushed open the boy dormitory door, leading him to his bed. James, clearly unaware of Lily's presence, pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside. She blushed, trying not to look at his defined stomach and strong arms. Those arms had held her close and made her feel safe, but she chased the thoughts away as she pulled his blanket over him.

"Evans, I really do hate you," he mumbled into his pillow.

Lily sighed, grabbing his shirt and folding it, placing it on the top of his trunk. "Thanks, that makes me want to help your drunken self even more."

He looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. "I don't want you to help me, I want you to leave me alone, kay? Get out of my brain."

She rolled her green eyes, sitting on the trunk next to his shirt. "Is that what this is about? You and me?"

He sat up and grimaced. "It's always about us. It's the only thing that matters."

Lily threw her head back and laughed. "You _are_ drunk. You only get sappy and overly-romantic when you're drunk."

"You don't think we matter?"

She jumped up, hurrying towards the door. "We aren't a we, James."

He got out of his bed, walking slowly over to her. He placed his hands on her waist, his fingers brushing the thin sliver of skin below the bottom of her shirt. She held her breath, a shiver going down her spine.

"You're not drunk," she whispered.

He shook his head. "Nah. I hate Firewhiskey."

She backed against the wall, trying to keep her distance, but he closed the gap between them, his fingers not leaving their spot.

"I didn't break up with Stephen…"

"There's time."

She closed her eyes, sucking in her breath as his lips brushed hers.

"Why do you do this?"

"Sorry."


End file.
